Five Scripts for Saying "NO" to Red Flag Clients and Opportunities You Don't Want (So you have room for the ones you do want!)
In my experience, when I detect a red-flag, something that doesn’t feel quite right or makes my BS-detector go off, I slough it off, convince myself that I’m being paranoid, or brush off my negativity with a “let’s give it the benefit of the doubt” attitude. And unsurprisingly, these things come back to bite me.
It has taken me YEARS (yes, real years) to hone my BS detector, to figure out the red-flags that I need to pay attention to, and even then, it doesn’t always mean I know how to deal with them.
In an attempt to increase focus this year, I challenged my community and asked myself two questions:
What do I want more of?
What do I want less of?
And one of the things that I knew is that I wanted more of the RIGHT people and the RIGHT clients, and I wanted to make fewer decisions based on money.
When I look at some of my less-than-amazing experiences, either with particular people/companies or opportunities, they were less-than-amazing because I chose money over fit. And I’ll be honest, in some of those times, I still made the right decision - because the bills have to be paid, and when you’re new, you’ll likely feel the urge to ‘take what you can get’ (or at least I did).
That said, it only takes a few of these experiences to learn that sometimes the money isn’t worth it. Or as I like to remind myself and my clients:
Some money is too expensive.
If you’ve set your boundaries, articulated your red flags, and honed your BS-detector, chances are, you’re ready to dish our some “no thank you’s”. But how?
How do I say no without
a) getting caught in a lie?
b) ruining a relationship?
c) being an asshole?
Bonus: if you need help finding your red flags, check out Episode 54 of The Amanda Wagner Podcast, where LP and I share some of ours and can help you find yours! (spoiler alert: using proper email etiquette and not making your emergency into my emergency means that you’re more likely to get a response and a YES from me!)
I’m here to tell you:
a) you can say no without lying.
b) setting a boundary with firmness and grace does not ruin relationships with the people who are a good fit for you, and
c) saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you an asshole. (Being an asshole makes you an asshole!)
d) I have some handy-dandy language for you to copy and paste and make your own!
Even if red-flags have nothing to do with why you want to / have to say “no”, we could all use a little help and have some language in our back pockets, right?
Well here you have it:
Five Ways to Say ‘No’ Without Lying or making excuses
“Thank you for thinking of me. I’m looking for specific types of projects / opportunities and while I’m sure you’re onto something great, this doesn’t fit with that I’m looking for more of right now.”
Simple. To the point. Clearly outlines that you’re looking for something different. You do not have to get more specific about exactly what you are looking for more of (unless you want to).
“In order to be able to do my best work, I’ve had to take on only specific clients / projects / opportunities and this isn’t a fit.”
This is NOT personal, this is about fit and about respecting your capacity to do your best work. None of us do our best work when we are overwhelmed or burnt out. No need to share how exhausted / stretched thin you are, this simply means that you’re very clear on what you want. Boundaries for the win!
“I know we’ve worked together previously, and on reflection/since then, I’ve been moving in a different direction and this isn’t the right project for me.”
I can hear you already, “but what about the person who I’ve worked with before and have built a relationship with?” You’re right, it’s tricky. But we are allowed to change our minds. You’ve done some reflecting and you or your priorities/needs/wants have changed, More proof that you’re a human!
"This sounds like a great project; however, it's not the right one for me and my lifestyle right now. Thank you for considering me - I hope you find the perfect person!"
Our lifestyles change! Our needs change! Our schedules and seasons of life require adjusting. Even if you used to do last-minute design edits, or could spend weekends on specific projects, or were available on-call, you might not be anymore. That is a-okay.
“I love that you thought of me for this opportunity. What you’re looking for isn’t up my alley / best suited for my expertise / something I’m comfortable taking on. Good luck finding the right person for the job.”
If you’ve taken on projects where you are second guessing your competence or having to spend a ton of time learning something new for just one project or person, you know how easy it is to become resentful. This response can help get you out of feeling trapped in having to put in way more time and effort to prove yourself.
Note: You always get to choose if you offer a referral or not. There is no rulebook that says you have to send someone to another professional (especially if there are red-flags that you don’t want to pass on to someone else). If you want to, you can, and I encourage you to have a conversation with the person you would send your referrals to. And if you don’t want to refer, that is allowed! Google and social media can make it very easy to find other professionals in your industry.
Please take these “thanks but no thanks” sentences and use them to help you get more of what you want, eliminate what you don’t want, and have space to say YES to the right things.
Until next time,
AW